THIS MADE ME A LITTLE MORE GRATEFUL TODAY: The dichotomy of fame
This is going to be a slightly personal post because I only want to pen my feelings down somewhere and would really like it if someone finds help herein. As a creative person, you always want to do more and the attention around you is crazy if you manage to strike the chord with a certain niche of audience. I have targets set for my blog, Instagram posts/stories and my Podcast along with the academic stuff I write about, book sales, etc. Nobody actually bought my books until I blew up on Medium through this blog and when they did it was always on the lines of “We love your thoughts and would want to connect more…” not much about wanting to educate themselves about things that are wrong in the Matrix and needed to be spoken about. As a result of that, my two distinct personalities, one of an academic and the other of a metaphorical Alchemist were loggerheads with one another because there is never a moment of satisfaction until one defeats the other and the cycle continues.
I have forever believed that an artist is the child that survived and didn’t choose death. The path to being known and wanted, as much as it looks glorious and the perfect fairytale- like rendition of someone’s struggles, it is fraught with countless blockages and constant criticism from everywhere that one has to be immensely thick skinned to be blind towards all of what is being spoken about or perceived of.
I was doing my regular research on parent-children dynamics in Asian societies (may also put the content up on YouTube) and then a peculiar thought struck me. I went ahead and listed every world-famous celebrity I knew of or heard about and the losses they have had in life. It started with a minor search button on Instagram for a girl in Arunachal Pradesh who put out relatable content on her love for food and her page is spectacularly refreshing amidst the pomp and show of the other side of Instagram where luxury-living is the parameter of success. She has fans from everywhere and didn’t have to post the luxury stuff to display happiness and satisfaction. She doesn’t have parents. And it broke my heart because she doesn’t speak of them anywhere or tries to garner sympathy; her sole purpose is always to make her audience smile and find connection in the raw, green, innocent village life (North-East India) that one rarely finds on social media these days apart from another internet sensation, Monu Deori who has been on television as well, belonging to the same geographical area.
I ran through the list of people I have admired as a child and up until now. I found that jaw-dropping fame has always been around those from whom something was taken. It immediately humbled me because I was making a fuss in my head about my target not being met on the blogging arena. Losing families, homes, maybe a body part and sometimes even someone who they’ve loved truly and seen a future with them. I didn’t have to lose much to get to where I am at. Maybe a few heartbreaks and disgusting city-life interactions, but that was all. We sit and complain about views and likes, popularity status and the like. The kind of pain these people went through is unimaginable because they lost these things very early on in life when they were supposed to be protected. They didn’t have time to grieve because they were either gathering funds for the next day’s meal or making amends to show up at a place for a job. I am not saying those that have been blessed with amenities are not deserving of fame but the ones who have experienced it have had it bad at one point. That also means some phases in life are not so pleasant and THAT IS OKAY. The ones who tasted fame and became a world-wide phenomenon may never be able to compensate for the other losses through the fanatics. Some losses cannot be filled for.
I also came to the conclusion that some things are given to you only at a certain moment in your life because the Universe knows WHO YOU WILL TURN INTO once you get it. I can vouch for this. When I jumped from 3000 to 11000 followers on Snapchat(👻anjashisarkar) I realised how unbothered I was becoming. The attention got into my head for a brief period and then I realised that I am not this person who would not even say thanks for a simple compliment. I do get asked out by some questionable characters but that is a different story. Imagine if this was given to me when I was maybe 18–20, I would have been hated or called a selfish person because I wouldn’t even know to rectify my mistakes, that age is frivolous.
Sometimes when you don’t get something it is because of some protection that is out there but you don’t understand it. This is not to say that I would ever believe the fact that people may not get everything they want. I know that everyone gets everything they want, but they just don’t know the shape or form in what they want it in. For example, if I say, I want to be really successful, it is ambiguous. I should know what success means to me or what would allow me to fully grasp the idea that ‘success is ABC thing coming to me’. For some, it is having a good meal with their family because they might have had a troublesome childhood where some member was absent, for the rest it could be financial security because they never want to feel weak again in their lives- the Matrix just trains you to think that money controls everything. It’s not true actually. Money isn’t real. The only reason (s) someone wants humungous amounts of wealth is because they either have a vision associated with that money or they never want to feel powerless because when they didn’t have it, they had limited lives. Either way, it is a part of a cycle set up in this world where having or not having something will put you in the categories of good or bad, wanted or unwanted, powerful or powerless, capable or incapable.
Some of the richest people in this world are not even in the papers or anywhere. Should that mean they aren’t famous? They are more than that idea. And who knows what they had to lose in order to make trillions and make lives better for the populations who do not even move past the whole exhibition of wealth.
Have more to say? Reach out: anjashi.work@gmail.com
