I MANIFESTED APOLOGIES FROM EX- FLAMES AFTER USING THIS ONE TRICK
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I will make an attempt to make this post as short as possible. The reason being, it is going to sound tedious after a point, I am sure. Some stories are good to listen to in the shortest and the simplest forms.
If you have ever interacted with Anjashi 2.0, you must have noticed that I have a sense of confidence. I get this all the time. I mean, there was a time I had been extremely timid, stammered halfway through conversations, got shouted at by elders for my lack of fluency, had palpitations when stepping up for a debate, etc. I just did not know how to get rid of this panic and begin exploring the side of me that could manifest ‘almost impossible’ stuff. I had a poor self- image, was clumsy when it came to display talents and could never understand why things happened the way they happened. To tell you the truth, I was a people- pleaser; I was under the impression that if everyone likes you, you are a hero. While growing up, I did not have many friends because ‘they’ thought I was un-social, uncool, uninteresting…please add as many pathetic adjectives as you can. ‘They’ were my imaginations pushed out and now I laugh out loud when everything makes sense. ‘They’ also comprised men who told me on my face how undesirable I am and I could never really be someone who was worthy of love. I got insulted in public, dumped on a WhatsApp status, abused mentally, repeatedly mocked for my cultural and financial background, body- shamed, just name it! I never really gave a serious thought to marriage but somehow every ‘male’ I had a soft corner for has commented, “Who the hell is going to marry you?” It didn’t hurt me initially but when I started paying more attention to the other aspects of my life, this statement began affecting me and my self- confidence. It wasn’t the statement, I now realise. It was my insecurity pushed out and I had been attracting energies that were inside of me. I rose academically, and that too became a reason for the ‘apparent reason to reject’. I mean, “She’s a dork! Why would you go out with her?”
I might have equated the ‘criteria for marriage’ with the aspect of femininity. I guess that is what hurt me more. I felt I wasn’t paid much attention to because of the ‘absence’ of it. I could never gauge the reason why ‘women who didn’t look the commitment type’ were sought after like precious gems but ‘I’ wasn’t. I began comparing myself with them on most occasions and it ruined my mental peace. I just thought of myself as immensely unlovable. I yearned for validation, success and fame. I was also pretty much alone.
There was one guy who told me that if I didn’t look like I was worth fighting for, I was never going to get anybody to love me. Okay, accepted. What I interpreted it back then was, YOU MUST LOOK LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. What I now decipher it as, I AM SUPPOSED TO BE THE CATCH.
Ever since I knew what manifestation is and how confidence plays a major role in attracting people, I have applied every trick in the book. What I did stop doing was, ASKING PEOPLE TO LIKE ME. I told myself, “Look, you want to be famous and you can. You want to be desired, you can. You want them to regret, stop wanting it. Focus on yourself. Grow. The dumper needs to come up with an absolutely kickass reason to reject you.”
I spoke to myself continuously for a week. I paid more attention to what gave me energy. Money. Appreciation. Knowledge. I worked hard. And when I say that I mean extremely hard. You would be surprised to see my routine. I turned crazy for like three to four months. I prepared a blog, created a clientele, uploaded Podcast episodes and the magic began. I found massive support from everywhere in the world and from the moment I spoke to myself like I would speak to a friend who was undergoing existential crisis, I talked and talked repeatedly. The conversations in my head were hysteric. I was hell bound on earning money, fame and success. Love was already coming in . The incomplete relationships in my life taught me to accept love from every where. I was overwhelmed almost every time I saw messages, mails, texts from people, young and old showering blessings and love; it was insane! People saving my contact as ANGEL, BFF, SOS, etc. made me tear up. I was the 4 am person of almost everyone. That level of trust put me at the top of my initially intended game- ACCEPTANCE.
Subconsciously, the story in my head went something like, “Be invincible. Be like the Sun. They should think ten thousand times before approaching you again.” I hustled everyday; even when the lockdown during the pandemic curbed the possibilities of a normal life, I woke up everyday with a thought, “You must inspire someone today.” The earlier narrative of rejection was replaced by a new ideology, “Be someone who can make a difference in other’s lives. You don’t need that validation. They must want to become like you. You are enough. Be the love you never received. Whenever people think of you, they should think of love. Tell them that your kind of love is rare and they are blessed to be able to love.” I must have received like a hundred messages ever since I began blogging all indicating that I have been of help. I reached 90 countries through my Podcast and 20000 people through the blog. Corresponding mails all said, “How can we be like you?” I recalled how I was called an odd one, thanked the Universe with every success story that was forwarded to me by the ones I was mentoring and READ TEXTS BY FORMER FLAMES, “I am sorry for what I had done. Can we meet?” I kid you not, all texts sounding the same, Facebook statuses for me, Instagram stories with public apologies, so on and so forth.
How did the apology come?
I didn’t require it anymore. I became complete in myself by focusing on things that made me who I am. I did not seek validation. I did not want the ‘now- eligible for marriage’ tag. I filled the gaps in my character. I redefined my own idea of success. It was now more about being inspiring rather than looking for prosperity in material wealth. I changed my conception of poverty. So now when they ask me what makes you content, I always answer, “I have something that no one can take from me. My ability to love. Imagine being that powerful with an inexhaustible source of energy.”
I know they will never forget me. And that is where I know I have won.
If you want to discuss more of this, feel free to contact me : anjashi.work@gmail.com
