BREAKING GENERATIONAL CURSES: Why it comes down to ‘you’
I was beginning to get a bit appalled by the parents’ sessions I had been conducting over a couple of months as the list of complaints went from one Hemisphere to the other. I had signed up for it so there are obviously no grievances there but the extent to which human beings can keep complaining and victimising themselves baffles me. I stopped work midway one day and coughed up a few study materials on generational curses and how one identifies if there is any to begin with. I also went through a few case studies of my own to understand the trajectory of my clients’ journeys as compared to one of their parents’ or both.
When you type ‘generational curses’ anywhere on the internet there are myriad articles about the same. Psychological, philosophical, analytical, biographical, all kinds of books advertise themselves. I am going to break it down for you so that you don’t have to go over the 200 odd books I’ve read to fix my life on the same theme.
Anything in your experience which looks similar to a family member’s experience and inability to break through the toxic pattern may be termed as a generational curse. The internet will tell you how everything is passed down to descendants. It was originally found in the Mediterranean religions but the New Covenant proclaims that everyone is responsible for their own actions and has the capacity to break any curse if there be any.
A list of the ‘complaints’ that came forth:
- Shortage of money.
- Mental illness.
- Physical illness acquired through bad habits.
- Widow/ Widower – hood.
- Abusive in-laws.
- Abusive son-in-law / daughter-in-law of a certain sibling (youngest/eldest)
- Spinsterhood.
- Absconding partner.
- Death by overdose/ over indulgence.
- Inability to complete basic education.
I might sound like a braggart but I do take pride in the fact that I do not behave like a victim. I will never do that. I have a knack for solving issues and I find quick fixes by virtue of my inquisitive nature or rather, the determination to solve something because it doesn’t look good being unsolved. Unfortunately, when I do free therapy for a few, it appears negligible because it is ‘free’ and one doesn’t really care that much because it was just lying around somewhere and they were ‘kind’ enough to ‘hear’ it. Just hear it, not ‘listen’.
I can tell you that out of the 50–60 parents I spoke to, there were a mere 7–8 parents who wanted to fix something and not make it like they were the only ones in this whole world who have it worse than the others. And this is why I know how some families will be able to get rid of a generational curse and some never can.
Because I teach conscious creation, everything is in the NOW. And a lot of the arguments (as listed in my file) start with “why so and so” and ending with “what if this doesn’t go right?”
Now, there is one thing to be panicky and the other to be self-limiting. We can cure panic through various techniques and mental exercises but self-imposed limits are just a CHOICE. For example, if there’s an alcoholic man who has two sons and one of the son decides to take after his father’s drinking habit while the other knows that it is not something that is right, it is a matter of choice.
Most people stay in abusive relationships (the ugly ones where there is severe mental and physical abuse) is because they have been taught that there is glory in being “married”. I can tell you with utmost assurance that in this day and age even if you don’t have financial security and seek a divorce on the grounds listed above, there will be plenty of people supporting you, whether you are 25 or 50 or 70. I have had clients who have communicated to their parents about a possible divorce instead of the incessant bickering in the household, to which the plain answer had been “it will bring shame to the family name”. Yes. So will the idea that one day your child was forced to take a drastic step because the din in the house was too loud for them to even imagine peace. It is so sad that some men are not meant to be married because they simply cannot live upto the role of being a father or a husband. Same with women.
You only get what you have signed up for. You will experience what you are willing to tolerate and to what level.
An entirely mind boggling reality that I’ve had to come face to face with is the fact that parents have either chosen to become a megalomaniac or a victim. There is no moderation. There is no middle ground. Here’s why:
a. Blaming someone is easy rather than taking necessary steps to rectify a situation.
b. Everything starts and ends with ‘society’.
c. Age apparently makes you invincible so you’re always right.
d. Following suit of those who look ideal instead the allowing your true self to operate and make decisions.
Consider this example. A family keeps talking about how all the son-in-laws have horrible temper. And nobody is willing to help the ‘daughters’ evade the situation but the dinner table conversations always are about how one guy did ABC and how well it was documented in the minds of those hearing the incident. Nuances are must so some one else at the dinner table will chip in to add spice to the story or rectify a detail if needed. What do you think will happen to the children sitting at the table? If you’ve worked with me, you’ll know what I am talking about.
Second example. Everyone who attempts to start a business in the family, fails miserably. Now, this has been the norm and the only discussions that go around in the family are “what a great loss has incurred!” This is something I learned from those friends who belonged to proper business class families that your mindset is the key factor behind the success or failure of your business. Some people lose huge amounts of money because that is also the same way how money will come back. Which is why millionaires lose millions and billionaires lose billions before becoming disgustingly rich and since schooling systems do not teach us finances the only education we do get is from the trials and errors in real life. So should one continue investing even if they fail? That is exactly why the generational money curse flows. Nobody wants to learn from the mistakes someone else did. All they know is doing XYZ is dangerous and probably lose out on a perfect opportunity to capitalise on their potential.
Thirdly, the idea that no marriage was peaceful and gratifying in the family so “mine won’t be too hence I don’t want to be in a committed relationship” is the mindset of a coward. No amount of healing will heal you if you want to only look at the bad sides of everything. The only way you break that generational curse is to be exceedingly high in your self- concept that you repel anything negative as far as your relationships are concerned. But that is hard work and why would you do that? So you sit and sulk and hurt everyone who tries to give you that love.
You know, when you don’t heal, it starts to affect everything in your life. Your work life is a mess, your relationships don’t fare well, your physical health suffers and you’re constantly looking to be validated otherwise you might as well suffer from existential crisis if someone isn’t paying attention. This need to be ‘complete’ by virtue of the presence of someone is a farce. You must first be complete and then someone comes along to fit well with you.
Hypothetically, if you do come from a family that has a generational curse, what can you do?
A. Decide whether you want to break the pattern or not.
B. You cannot want change to happen outside if you are not changing inside.
C. Your generational curse ends the moment you make a decision that is unlike anyone else’s in the family.
D. Stay loyal to yourself. Don’t be on two boats. It makes no sense if you complain about your ‘horrible’ life and when the solution is at your doorstep you make a list of everything that might go wrong.
E. It is easy to be a victim. Magic lies in discomfort. Choice is yours.
Someone from the family told me that I wouldn’t know what it is like to be tortured hence no amount of bookish knowledge will be able to solve the issue at hand. It hurt me first *excruciatingly* because this person has known me all my life. This is why free therapy is a problem. You cannot help anyone if they don’t want to be helped. You’ll exhaust yourself in the process and end up questioning your ideals and the world can do with one less overthinker.
For coaching: anjashi.work@gmail.com
